Marriage is a beautiful institution to go into but very challenging as well. Are you ready for the commitment needed to keep a marriage? there are some of your personal likes or traits that you might have to let go, remember that you will leave your father and mother and even siblings to start a family with someone from a different background and upbringing. Preparing for marriage requires careful preparation just like building a house. Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and the plans drawn up, so typically like building a house, it is very wise to sit down first and count the cost of it both financially and in terms of commitment to determine the readiness so that you won’t make a mistake that will lead to regrets. In this article we will see how to prepare for a successful marriage that will bring lasting joy and happiness.
To have a success of marriage, you first need to have a realistic view of it both the blessings and the cost of being married. There are vital questions you need answers to that will surely guide you to a successful marriage.
ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?
Commitment is needed for you to stick with one person in a marriage, unlike when you were dating, you will not have the liberty anymore to date or try another relationship even if you are not enjoying your present relationship.
Sexual relations outside your home destroys the family and must be avoided, so you need to ask yourself if you are willing to keep yourself for your mate alone, do you love your mate enough not to desire someone else but him or her?
Do not rush into marriage or marry because your friends or everyone around you is getting married, or simply because you see someone enjoying his or marriage so you start fantasizing about it and want to experience it, you need to have a clear and realistic view of marriage before you delve into it. Although there are some who actually enjoy their marriage, but there might not really be any home without its own problems or challenges, but some are wise enough to let love lead and settle inside before coming out, so you might not see the problems because they have settled it, but you might not have known how enormous the challenge was.
Maturity contributes to a successful marriage too. Getting married when the sexual desire is hot can be detrimental or even lead to regrets in marriage. Peoples likes and preferences change with time, people who get married too early might feel they made a mistake later when their likes or preferences likely change. So many marriages that fail today are as a result of early marriage and changed or failed expectations.
KNOW YOURSELF FIRST
Marriage will not change your personality. You need to know yourself first, what qualities do you have? What traits do you possess that can lead to a success in marriage? What kind of husband or wife will you make? Are you always complaining, or easy to push blames to another person, or are you quick to admit mistakes? Are you gloomy or optimistic?
In choosing a mate or preparing for marriage you need to know yourself first, then your mate. You necessarily do not have to look for your twin in personality because there can never be! But you can honestly look for a mate that his or her personality will compliment yours. For instance, if you are a gloomy or pessimistic kind, what do you think would happen if you marry someone with the same nature? Or if you are quick tempered, what will be the out if you marry someone of the same nature and a quarrel or misunderstanding arises between the both of you? When you have traits that need to work on, its best you work on it before going into marriage because it might poses a challenge to your marriage. No matter how deep rooted your flaws are, with strong determination and effort, you will always conquer. You need to change your personality especially the faulty ones and put on a new one that will compliment your partner.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE
Everyone has choices and what they will want their mate to possess. Some though have made so many mistakes in setting unrealistic standards and these standards and unnecessary choices have made a lot of people who are of marriage age remaining unmarried.
It is not wrong to set standards or have choices as explained above, but the point is making a reasonable and realistic choice is a great key to finding a suitable mate as well as happiness in a marriage. When you approach someone of the opposite sex whom you find attractive or that you want to settle down with, feel free to approach the person after you have done proper self scrutiny, you might start by asking yourself, Is marriage really my intention? You need to be sure before you proceed because it is very wrong to toil with someone’s emotion. There are some cases you approach someone of the opposite sex with sincere intention and the response you get is negative. In that case you do not have to force yourself on someone or become pushy or even beg someone to pity you and fall in love. If that should happen it can later lead to frustration, so do not persist to the point of being objectionable, remember that the other person has a right to make choices too and you might not be the person’s choice.
FIND OUT BEFOREHAND
There are some basic questions that can help you analyze properly the person you want to marry, For example, a woman might ask, “What kind of reputation does this man have? Who are his friends? Does he display self-control? How does he treat elderly persons? What kind of family does he come from? How does he interact with them? What is his attitude toward money? Does he abuse alcoholic beverages? Is he temperamental, even violent? Could I deeply respect him?” A man might ask, “Does this woman display love and respect? Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise, industrious, thrifty? What does she talk about? Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busybody? Is she trustworthy? Is she willing to submit to headship, or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?”
Although the above questions will surely help you to analyze things, but you should still give room for imperfections, do not expect a replica of a hero or a heroine from a romance movie or novel, every human on earth have shortcomings or limitations and some of these will have to be overlooked by the both partners.
What, though, if you notice things that trouble you deeply? Such doubts should be considered carefully. However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious faults. If you have a relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person.
HOW CAN YOU MAKE A SUCCESS OUT OF YOUR COURTSHIP?
To make a success of courtship, you must make sure that your moral conduct is above reproach. Sex is for two people who are married and should be kept in its proper place. Relationships based on sex and money in most cases does not eventually work out. You must never cheapen or displease yourself because you want to get married, always maintain your integrity. Sex is best enjoyed on your wedding night when it has been waited for and endured over time. Be careful that displays of affection do not escalate into unclean conduct or even fornication.
Still there are some relationships that might have started off a bit wrongly, it’s not that every relationship must fail or not lead to marriage because the parties involved had sex, but some eventually do, if you are having sex in your relationship you might want to ask yourself, “what will i enjoy on the night of my wedding?” my best humble advice is to quit. When you cut sex off in a courtship it helps you concentrate on the more important things and helps you quicken your pace to marriage.
Because the heart is treacherous, both of you would be wise to avoid being isolated in a house, an apartment, a parked automobile, or anywhere else that would give opportunity for wrong conduct.
Keeping your courtship morally clean gives clear evidence that you have self-control and that you put unselfish concern for the other person’s welfare ahead of your own desires.
Communication: is a very vital part of a relationship, the communication line should always remain opened. If your partner lives far off, both of you can still work things out, there should be a steady flow of communication, in these era of social networks and video calls, communication has become a lot easier and even cheaper and you can communicate with each other even face to face as if you were near.
Talk about issues that might present a challenge later in the future like, do you want to have children? How many do you want? Where will you both live? Will you both work secularly? Also discuss about extended families, will your parents or siblings live with you? How many? These questions and many more should be discussed so that it will not later present a problem in the family.
PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING ITSELF:
Some people spend more money on the wedding and arrangements more than they will even spend on the marriage. Some spend to please friends and families leaving them financially drained and exhausted.
Make a budget, do not try to please anyone or do not follow slavish customs that can overshadow the meaning of the occasion and may rob you of the joy that you should have.
Remember that your wedding lasts just one day, but your marriage lasts a lifetime. Avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married. Plan ahead for a life of being married. Then you will have prepared well for a successful marriage.
The truth is you can never find anyone who shares your entire beliefs, ideas, values and your thoughts do not ask: “Do we agree on everything? It might be wise to rather ask: “What happens when we disagree?” If you want to get married, be wary of anyone who is proud and opinionated, never willing to compromise or who constantly demands and schemes to have his or her own way.