How To Be An Adult In Relationships is one serious topic I have been looking forward to for a while now and finally it is here.
That last part was really hard for me to swallow and let myself feel that pain. I did need some time to process things, but after months of thinking about it, I’m finally ready to share my wisdom so far. Hopefully, this article will help you in your own journey too!
1. When you decide to be an “Adult.”
As adults, we get to choose what kind of adulthood we want to have.
It’s not easy because we don’t always know what kind of people we’re going to meet in our relationships, and when you start to regret the choices you made at the beginning, you might do what I’m trying to suggest: pretend like it never happened and pretend like you’re fine.
You’ll never even see them again, and you’ll have only one memory going forward, making bad decisions you regret a few years later.
You may make more mistakes than you can handle, but chances are it will all go away after a while, and you won’t look back at them as the adult you were supposed to be.
Now that both have gone away, you need to find other ways to prove to yourself that you did the right thing all along.
Always keep on looking at the positive aspects of the relationship, not only the happy times and remember that it’s okay to take a break sometimes.
Maybe don’t think of the relationship at those moments of sadness anymore, or when you feel like the end is approaching quickly and that there isn’t much left for you that will make your memories worthwhile anymore.
But don’t forget, once you’re older, you still have a choice, but as adults, it’s up to us to define who we want to be and make sure we aren’t repeating old patterns.
2. Remember, people don’t just disappear from our lives. People always come back.
They’re always going to stay in our hearts. Remembering them is more important than you think. Don’t just say everything happens with suddenness.
Every single moment of your life is precious, and everyone takes this moment to remember. Think of the good times that you had together, and don’t just think about the bad times and make yourself sound bitter.
Keep in mind the words from Albert Einstein “A wise man has many friends and a foolish man only a few.” Make sure you always remember people even if the world doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you.
Try to enjoy every second of it and enjoy everything you did as a couple. Spend every moment you spend with them as a way of showing them you really care and like them and your memories with each other will always be great memories that you’ll also always treasure.
Because they aren’t just going to vanish like that, and there are going to be people you care about that you can still remember when you are sad after all you have, you’ll always remember this person, no matter what.
3. If you’re dating someone, try to think about their life without them.
What matters to them? Who makes them laugh? What kind of music are they listening to? Do they do well with work?
Sometimes when you find yourself in a place where you are unable to spend as much time with the one you love, it’s better to remind yourself that he/she will always be around because they’re living his/her life to the fullest.
This will also give you the opportunity to ask questions that wouldn’t be good to get answered any other time.
The reality is you don’t really care much about them as long as they’re alive; you just want to spend your whole day with him/her.
Also, it could be nice and healthy to check their Instagram or whatever you’d prefer. Just like you usually talk to them after work or before bed.
There are lots of opportunities for you to show them your appreciation for their life outside of work.
Show them how you feel about their job, how you would treat them if you got paid, if you came home late, tell them how you feel about dinner (especially if there is one), and how you feel when you’re out with friends, etc.
No matter how they live their life or how much you love them, always show them how much you care about it and that you want to make it a big part of your relationship.
4. Take some time out for yourself. Time for yourself.
Even if you’re still having doubts, or you’re not 100% sure you’ve found the person that is the best for you.
Not for anyone else, but for you. Think about what kind of life you can lead if you love someone, and make sure you give yourself plenty of opportunities to enjoy being alone without anyone.
Asking yourself and answering these questions will open your eyes to new possibilities. Believe me, the feelings of sadness, happiness, loneliness, etc., are just as powerful as the ones you experience when you’re with them.
After a while, they will just fade, like a dream that fades, leaving you both with these negative thoughts instead of realizing how much you’re missing their company at the same time.
Then you can start enjoying the idea of spending time by yourselves, which you weren’t used to before you found yourself in love. Have fun, at least to yourself and not with anyone else.
5. Forget about the future. Life is full of uncertainties:
it’s not the same as the past, not the same as the present, not the future; it’s still uncertain. Let yourself enjoy this uncertainty, especially if it’s about how it will change until something unexpected appears next year.
Things don’t change; we just change. Nothing has changed in one area except you’re in love with someone or even if you’re dating them without their knowledge. Everything in life changes in some way, and nothing is permanent.
When you love someone, you never know what’s going to happen. The universe has a funny way of taking over your mind and thinking without giving you enough time to appreciate what you love, at the end of the day you’re all you have to offer.
You should have the patience to enjoy this life as you normally would and then ask yourself the following question:
am I doing anything to make it different?
Am I finding meaning by living here?
Is that why I’m even choosing this?
Or maybe that’s why I’m even getting into this relationship?
Am I being responsible for everything I’ve done here?
Am I doing good things?
Most importantly, don’t look for answers that will satisfy you or make you happy. Just give yourself permission to enjoy the uncertainty and let them know that you’re happy with whatever you choose to do.
6. Always smile, laugh, and sing.
Embrace every moment you have with him/her without expecting anything in return. Smile often, and don’t keep it hidden to protect your own ego.
Laugh until your belly aches, like your belly is hurt, and enjoy every moment you spend together.
Sing songs that you sing with him, so she knows about you and your passions. Never stop making a fool out of yourself.
Tell your partner anything you like because the more you say it, the more you want to speak it to them, and the more confident you become.
Speak to her about all kinds of different things, your hobbies, your hobbies, your hobbies as well. She feels like a real human being who cares about you and wants to hear your opinion. Plus, she understands the things you want.
7. Accept your faults.
There will be moments when you cannot control the situations and problems around you anymore. They can make it hard to deal with a breakup and hurt you, or they can simply not turn your life upside down in the wrong direction.
Either way, learn to accept them for what they are and move on. If they don’t harm you, then don’t look for an excuse or try to avoid them.
But don’t always push them away because this is your responsibility to deal with the consequences, and the consequences of broken promises are very disappointing.
You should try to make it work and make the most out of it by finding any possible solution, even if they’re difficult but try your best to get over them and find a way to make it happen in another way.
Never forget, though that it’s not your fault; it’s your own fault because of the choice you made to date or marry the person. Nobody is going to be perfect for everybody; everyone is going to break every rule in their routine. Don’t allow this one either.
8. Listen to what she says when something does not go her way.
Don’t force things and keep saying things that will make him/her break things and break him/her; in fact, be careful about how you speak to him/her because words can kill the feeling of trust and care.
Of course, it’s normal when someone has a problem with something or someone like they forgot how to use a particular key, but don’t ruin a perfectly nice night by saying, “I will pay for it!”
If you’re in a situation where there’s nobody around, listen to what she says because this is very difficult for her and can cause the relationship to collapse. Listening to what she says rather than telling her what to do is the opposite of a mature approach to solving problems.
9. Know your needs and desires.
A relationship can change your entire life, and a person can leave you completely blind, and all you see is a broken promise. What about the child? Well, if you’re single, then it’s up to you to figure out what you want from a relationship.
If you’re in a relationship, you have to look at the big picture and ask yourself how important your relationship is to you.
Does your relationship leave you feeling fulfilled?
Is your lover making an effort to make sure you feel loved and appreciated?
The next step is to figure out what your needs and desires are in life.
Is your loved one meeting your needs?
Are you getting the things you want most out of life?
A lot of times, people get into relationships simply because they feel like they’re supposed to, and they forget to figure out what they need or desire.
It’s easy to get caught up with the feelings of a budding romance, only to find that all the feelings fade away after the honeymoon phase is over.
This can leave you feeling lost because you don’t know whether or not your person is right for you.
It’s kind of like when you have a bad case of heartburn: You feel a burning sensation inside. You don’t know what it is, but the burning hurts, and it’s distracting and if you don’t figure out why it’s happening, it might leave a bad impression on how you see love.