The Processing of a Divorce and How To Heal After A Divorce can be stressful and phycological. The processing of a divorce is also compared with a roller coaster: your emotions fly in all directions and your life is characterized by high tops and deep valleys. Just after the divorce it can feel like you are an involuntary passenger on a dollar ride. Fortunately, that wild ride does not last forever.
In the first period after the divorce it is often difficult to keep your patience with the rest of the world; After all, he just continues as if nothing happened. Then nobody know how much sorrow you are in the divorce? And how do they dare to show all those romantic films on television! Can’t those people hold each other’s hand anywhere else? Get used to your new life.
After a divorce it usually takes between two and five years to get used to your new life. The processing process depends on the time you had or has taken before the divorce to get used to the idea. Some people start to process the divorce when they first think of divorce. In silence they say goodbye to their partner and the marriage, sometimes before the divorce is pronounced to the other. For the other, the divorce can be an unexpected blow that they had not seen coming. In that case, the processing process often takes longer.
Mourning process after the divorce
If you are just divorced, you probably wonder what awaits you. And how you can quickly let the painful moments pass by or even skip, and you can feel happy again. Unfortunately, after a divorce, the recovery period cannot be compared with a lift that takes you directly to the top floor of the grieving process. It looks more like a maze: you are a bit forward, you get confused, find the road back again, you suddenly realize that you have taken the wrong turn and you have to go back a bit. And so it goes on.
The first year will mainly play emotions such as denial, anesthesia, relief and intense sorrow. It will feel like a roller coaster, with feelings of euphoria (how nice to get rid of everything!) To deep despair (the realization that your partner really doesn’t come back). Sometimes you will feel like a robot, who turns life on autopilot.
The first year is mainly about arranging the legal and business aspects of the divorce. To get through it well, you almost have to share yourself in two: part of you is still in mourning, the other part has to make agreements in a wise way about alimony, pension and the house. If you have children, they must also learn to deal with separate parents and get used to all the changes and the events that this entails. You will have to spend time on them every day to help them through this difficult period. For all these things, don’t forget to take good care of yourself. You cannot help your children if you are about to collapse.
Organize your life again
After the first shock of the divorce, it is the turn of the next period: the time in which you organize your life again and take a closer look. You will have to find answers to large and small questions. Where do I want to live? Shall I buy a new car? Shall I be able to apply the alimony? Who takes care of my children when I’m working? All in all, it is a hectic time, which leaves little room for processing your grief after the divorce.
In the second or third year your life will probably end up in a somewhat quieter waters. You will still feel sad regularly, but less often than in the first year. The processing of a divorce generally takes three years. Yet this processing process is very personal: some people need less time, others may never get over it.
Give yourself time
Will you ever get over it? Time heals all wounds, including the grief and confusion will decrease over time. Yet from now and then you can be surprised from scratch by a wave of sorrow or anger, for example on your wedding day ten years after the divorce, or if your son takes a final exam and you and your ex are both on a different side of the room. Yet at some point you will have learned to let go of the past and focus on the future.
Processing a divorce in 7 phases
A divorce often brings feelings of sadness, anger and depression. You end up in a maze of emotions that can sometimes completely overwhelm you. The American Divorce Magazine provides an overview of the phases of the processing of a divorce. That can help you to deal better with these feelings.
The processing process is different for everyone. Everyone’s own situation, previous experiences and backgrounds play a role in this. Yet a general line can be discovered in most cases. The phases are:
You feel stunned, maybe you expect everything to become “normal” again quickly. You don’t feel the grief yet.
You are furious with your partner, on yourself, actually on everything and everyone.
You regret the things that have been said and done, or things that are not said or done. You feel that it could have changed the current situation or not to do these things, or perhaps even the divorce could have prevented.
You are sad, anxious and insecure. It is difficult to perform everyday tasks normally and you are especially very tired.
You start to come to terms with yourself and the situation. You can slowly manage to let go of the divorce and you better and better to forgive yourself and your ex.
You start to get used to the new situation. You are no longer upset all the time and you leave the divorce more and more behind.
You think much less about your ex and the divorce. It’s time to continue with your life!
What helps you to process your divorce?
A very important question that can help you get your life back on track after the divorce. Instead of constantly on your ex and the reasons why it fell between you, it is now mainly time to put yourself at number 1. The following points of attention can help with this.
• concentrate on the present, what you are doing now
• Let people love you, such as friends and family, listen to you and let them help you
• Try to keep your normal routine and schedules as much as possible
• Try to think positively
• Decide what you want in your life after the divorce, make a plan for that and start realizing it.
What else you can do to process a divorce
• Have faith. Believe in yourself and believe that it will be fine. Do not try to maintain control of everything
• Keep a diary in which you write down all your thoughts- good and bad. If you put your feelings on paper, you better let go of all those emotions.
• Keep your self -control. Focus as much as possible on your responsibilities, and let your emotions go when there is room for that.
• get moving. If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, it’s good to take action. Movement and change of place can help you to break the power on nasty feelings and thoughts.
• Eat well & healthy. This is not the moment for a strict diet, but also not a moment to stow everything in.
• Read positive, supportive books. REARLESS BOOKS AND ARTICLES that used to inspire you, amused or gave insights.
• Try to laugh. It sounds strange, but research has shown that when we laugh, our face sends positive signals to our brains so that we can feel better. Laughing also reduces stress and improves our immune system.
• Do something (but not too much!) To volunteer work. You don’t have to think about your own problems and it provides your positive energy.
What helps very well to get over your divorce is … making future plans. Ask yourself: what do I want? What have I denied myself for years or even my entire life? What is important to me? What do I dream of?
Anxiety, procrastination and laziness are often the only obstacles that can keep you from achieving your goals. There are three steps to achieve your goal:
1. Consider what you want in your new life.
2. Take steps every day to achieve your goal
3. Focus and don’t give up.